WEEK 1 - MLS Expansion Leads to Mediocre Horde
So I'm going to be honest. Week 1 felt weird. Looking out across the field at 2 PM was like watching a horde scene in the Walking Dead but with slower zombies (my first 'past our prime' joke of the season -- glad to be back).
It felt like a soccer tournament from when I was a kid - games going on three fields, over 300 players and fans milling about for hours, and a packed bar with deliciously cold beer. Oh? You didn't go to bars post-U-12 tournament? You were only given Star Crunch and an Ecto Cooler juice box? Hmmm... guess you never went to the Bud Light Yellow Bullet Heineken Children's Coastal Classic. Anyhoo, you get my point. It was crowded and a lively environment. But it was exacerbated by... your commissioner dropping the ball on two occasions.
A) Multiple parking lots were blocked off.
B) Team t-shirts didn't come in.
But as always...
We have an understanding horde of mediocre soccer players and no one chased me around the fields with soccer socks full of quarters! It was probably the bribe of Capri Suns and Zebra Cakes that calmed everyone down. Seriously though... THANK YOU FOR BEING FLEXIBLE AND GETTING THROUGH WEEK 1 WITHOUT A HITCH!!!!!!!
It felt like a soccer tournament from when I was a kid - games going on three fields, over 300 players and fans milling about for hours, and a packed bar with deliciously cold beer. Oh? You didn't go to bars post-U-12 tournament? You were only given Star Crunch and an Ecto Cooler juice box? Hmmm... guess you never went to the Bud Light Yellow Bullet Heineken Children's Coastal Classic. Anyhoo, you get my point. It was crowded and a lively environment. But it was exacerbated by... your commissioner dropping the ball on two occasions.
A) Multiple parking lots were blocked off.
B) Team t-shirts didn't come in.
But as always...
We have an understanding horde of mediocre soccer players and no one chased me around the fields with soccer socks full of quarters! It was probably the bribe of Capri Suns and Zebra Cakes that calmed everyone down. Seriously though... THANK YOU FOR BEING FLEXIBLE AND GETTING THROUGH WEEK 1 WITHOUT A HITCH!!!!!!!
HOUSEKEEPING
2. We had questions arise a couple times on Sunday regarding what constitutes a slide. While it's ultimately up to the referee discretion, my viewpoint on this is as follows. If one goes to stretch/lunge to win the ball and happens to go down to a knee, that is not a slide. Someone purposely going to ground to win the ball in the vicinity of another player like a slide tackle should be called a slide. To me, the call comes down to intent. While I'm dedicated to this league, I'm not going to do a Youtube video covering 1,000 different scenarios mainly b/c I'm not particularly good at sliding and I'll end up with a 1,000 strawberries, but also because this is a judgment call like handball intent and there's always going to be controversy.
Except for when this happens. This is definitely a yellow card offense. Intent to slide (check). Endangers keeper (check). Bad attitude (team motto is talk ****, play dirty). While this was not whistled, the referee did admit to missing this one. In summary, Adam is a naughty naughty boy. Like Pig Pen dirty, people.
WEEK 1 RESULTS AND STANDINGS
Defenders of the Bridge vs. I Think We Can Do Better
With these team names, how did I not expect a defensive scoreless draw? While both teams put some pressure on goal (through Matt Conti of DOTB and Gabe Fricke of I Think We Can Do Better), neither could finish the job. The closest goalscoring opportunity I saw was from Baylen McCarthy of I Think We Can Do Better who just missed the upper 90 on this take from outside the box.
While draws are never the most exciting, from the chatter post-game it sounded like both teams were satisfied with a point from the season opener.
Sidebar: Is it just me or is it hilarious that a guy on 'I Think We Can Do Better' was wearing a 'Relax, It's Just Sex' shirt?
Shout out to Matt Engleson who played in his first organized soccer game ever for I Think We Can Do Better!
Final - Defenders of the Bridge 0 - 0 I Think We Can Do Better
PKs and IPAs vs. UnAtletico Monroe
Two teams that were mid-table last season with lots of talent on them faced off in Week 1. The MLS League 2 Cup Champions, PKs and IPAs, showed they are hungry to move up the table from last year's finish by laying the wood to the artists formerly known as White Joggers. Chris Sharrett of PKs continued his dominance from last season putting in 5 goals on Sunday - the highest goalscorer of the week. Alice Decker of PKs also hit a beautiful floater over the keeper from a good distance which would be a contender for goal of the week if we recorded all the games. UAM were led by goals from Dustin Harris and Adam Stavola and some amazing saves from Brent Mallory in goal.
Special Shout Out to Alissa Baggett of UAM has never played a minute of soccer in her life, but made her debut in the CLUBWAKA MLS on Sunday and that is what this league is all about. Goal scoring and competition aside, new players and people falling in love with soccer is what we're shooting for. So glad to have you, Alissa!
Final - PKs and IPAs 8 - 2 UnAtletico Monroe
Misfits vs. Motherlovers
This was my Game of the Week. Misfits who apparently have an unlimited transfer budget with all the recruiting Adam does (are they the Man City of the MLS? -- discuss amongst yourselves) vs. the mutated competitive arm of Kick in a Box. I knew this was going to be a slugfest. Sure enough, this one had a yellow card and really should have had two with Adam Frantz using Field 3 as his own personal Slip n' Slide.
One of the earlier goals in the game had someone lunge/slide for the ball and win it with no call from the ref. When interviewed post-game regarding the play that may have changed the momentum of the game, Motherlovers's captain, Ryan O'Donnell, was quoted as saying, "We thought it was a slide so we stopped playing. It's frustrating, but you gotta play to the whistle. Lesson learned." AJ Hurlock and Kayson Bell both knocked one in the ol' onion bag for Motherlovers, but ultimately, Matt Kraft's hat trick and Buck Waldrop's goalkeeping proved to be too much and left ML being consoled by their mothers... we won't provide anymore details than that.
Final - Misfits 5 - 2 Motherlovers
Kick in a Box vs. Rebel Alliance
Fire up the X-Wings and Millennium Falcon, the Rebels are announcing their presence to the rest of the MLS. With a good amount of free agents and all new players to the league, I wasn't sure what to expect from RA but they turned Kick in a Box to Sith in a Box and struck them down. That being said, Kick in a Box held their own with goals from Chase Cali and Matt Epperly. RA was led by a brace from Gerardo Aguilar Castillo and a goal a piece from Andy Anderson, Jesse Patton, and Aaron Fraites.
Final - Rebel Alliance 5 - 2 Kick in a Box
Moat Monsters vs. Retired Athletes
Fact: When Moat has people show up, they're arguably the best team in the league (Hell, without people showing up, they're arguably the best team in the league). Fact 2: While he hasn't won a golden boot yet, I would argue that Matt Burleson would be one of the top 3 vote-getters for MVP if we had one. And he showed that on Sunday with a hat trick against a much improved Retired Athletes team. A dominant effort, Moat posted the shut out and Jessica Huntington and Amara Betoney had a goal a piece.
Special shout out to Sydney Smith of Retired Athletes who played keeper for the first time since high school (10 years ago) and played great.
Final - Moat Monsters 5 - 0 Retired Athletes
Soccer, I Hardly Know 'Er vs. Hot & Messi
For those who have been following the league, you're aware of H&M's ups and downs with attendance. They generally start out strong when people show and whether it's due to injury or schedule conflicts, they wear down as the season progresses. I can tell you after watching week 1, I think this is the year Hot and Messi takes a significant jump up the table. With a more friendly schedule and some new recruits, mark my words -- H&M finishes in the top 10. Notable performances from Che Henderson, Casey Edwards, and Brittany Thomas who all had goals for Hot and Messi.
Soccer I Hardly Know 'Er is a new team branched off from All Bark No Bite and will take a couple of weeks to gel, but they've got the pieces. Scoring three goals in your debut game is certainly a good start. Goals by Zach Murrell, Paige Skweres, and Carlos Murillo.
One thing I noticed in the first week is that all of the teams have improved, which should lead to exciting games week to week whether it's in the top 9 or bottom 9.
Final - Hot and Messi 7 - 3 Soccer, I Hardly Know 'Er
All Stars FC vs. Hangover 86 FC
Hangover had a top 2 finish hangover last season. They had some folks deploy, had a tough schedule, and had some absences throughout the season. It resulted in a significant drop down the table. Meanwhile, All Stars finished in the Top 4 in their first season. On top of that, All Stars recruited even more talent. This had me thinking All Stars was going to win this one handily, but it appears Hangover has returned to form from a couple of seasons ago with goals from Kevin Rhamy and Blake. But from the report I got, the real difference makers were Abbey Iriarte and Simie Iriarte who were everywhere on their debut and Sterling Hopkins was making saves left and right.
All Stars has a lot of talent and it sounds like they were peppering the Hangover goal with shots led by Anderson Rojas, but Hangover's defense Hodored and kept the door shut after the one goal went in.
Final - Hangover 86 FC 2 - 1 All Stars FC
Netkicks and Chill vs. Oozlekicks
Netkicks was last year's surprise team - making a significant jump up the table finishing in second - above Oozlekicks. Meanwhile, Oozlekicks has been consistently in the top half of the table since they joined the league season 1. Oozlekicks has some serious firepower with Adam Smith coming back to the team after a couple seasons out. Pairing him with Dennis Zollicoffer, Jay Coble, and the goalscoring prowess of Tom Weniger is going to be something to watch. Shout out to Steph Coble who is back after baby #2 and Jamal Barnes for scoring a goal in his debut after being signed by Oozlekicks late in the transfer window.
Heard Cristina Genoese-Zerbi had a great game for Netkicks with lots of hustle despite limited subs. Netkicks has another tough one in Week 2 with Misfits coming to town. They'll look to rebound then.
Final - Oozlekicks 4 - 0 Netkicks and Chill
Look Ma, No Hands vs. Ronaldo McDonaldo
In a rematch of last season's final, Look Ma No Hands took on Ronaldo McDonaldo in the 3 PM slot. Neither of these teams are in midseason form and Look Ma was playing significantly shorthanded, but it was still a very competitive game. Meanwhile, this is the first season with any significant turnover in the Ronaldo roster as they are dealing with injuries, schedule conflicts, and baby making, but their new signings look to be strong. May just take a few weeks to come together.
Ronaldo took the lead early behind goals from Dara Emami and Michael Machie. Look Ma fought back with a gorgeous looper from Lindsay Ingraham and goals from Brian Diamond and Brandon Laspe. Sarah McCrea and Brad Kirby of Ronaldo McDonaldo assisted each other on goals to finish off the goalscoring. As Look Ma's slogan says - they're everyone's rival - and I'm sure these two teams will meet again before the season is over.
Final - Ronaldo McDonaldo 5 - 3 Look Ma, No Hands
TEAM OF THE WEEK - WEEK 7
Gerardo Castillo - Team debut? Player debut? A brace to lead your team to victory? Chickity check check check.
Matt Conti - Despite the game ending in a 0-0 stalemate, the opposing captain talked about how much Matt influenced the game.
Chris Sharrett - Did you think I wouldn't include the top goalscorer of the week knocking in 5?
Casey Edwards - New to Hot and Messi and the MLS, she scored and made an impact in H&M's win over SIHKE.
Lindsay Ingraham - Had a beautiful floater against Ronaldo McDonaldo and even had other captains saying 'Her goal was amazing!'
Matt Burleson - Hat trick from Mr. Reliability himself.
Sarah McCrea - A goal and an assist for Ronaldo to put the game out of reach against Look Ma, No Hands.
Matt Kraft - I'm usually against putting two players from the same team in Team of the Week, but a hat trick in your debut overrides my reluctance.
Abbey Iriarte - All over the field - heard from multiple Hangover players how much she impacted the game.
Dave McLain - Kept the backline organized for Oozlekicks in a 4-0 win.
Buck Waldrop - There were some great goalkeeping performances in week 1, but Buck's was the only one I witnessed a lot of and we're talking world class saves here. Sterling Hopkins of Hangover, Brent Mallory of UnAtletico Monroe deserve some honorable mention and I'm sure we'll be seeing them again.
PHOTOS OF THE WEEK
Gabe Fricke gets I Think We Can Do Better organized before the whistle blows.
Jimmy Boonruang of Defenders of the Bridge skies to collect this corner kick.
Tim Maher of Kick in a Box keeps his eyes on the ball.
Jamal Barnes of Oozlekicks pushes one by David Cirillo of Netkicks and Chill.
Referees for Week 1 - Sean, Chris, and Shannon.
MLS HISTORICAL SOCIETY
Over the past week, I've been working with two members of the league on a charter for the MLS Historical Society - a group of players interested in preserving and reporting on MLS history. While it's only two members (three if you count me) deep thus far, the league is extremely fortunate to have these guys step up to provide some analysis and ensure the legacy of the MLS is written in a fair and balanced fashion.
Introducing the MLS Historical Society....
Dave McLain
What brought you to the league initially?
I played kickball (shout out to Peanut Butter Jelly Time) but it wasn't competitive enough for me so as soon as I heard CLUBWAKA was starting soccer, I knew where I belonged.
What is your own soccer history?
I have played from bumblebee ball to U18 club ball with Newport News FC and high school ball locally at Denbigh High.
What do you feel the goals are of the MLS Historical Society?
Jay and I talk about our team match ups and stats against teams we have seen a couple of times. Thought it would be fun to look at other teams' stats and bring to light some fun matchups.
Jay Coble
What brought you to the league initially?
A kickball teammate said we should try to field a team and find more reasons to hang out together.
What is your own soccer history?
I played in high school and at Virginia Wesleyan College where I rode the bench.
What do you feel the goals are of the MLS Historical Society?
I want to bring to light the little details that we talk about when arguing about MLS amongst ourselves. Someone's bound to care.
FROM THE DESK OF THE MLS HISTORICAL SOCIETY
Everyone loves a finisher! That being said, what is a better way to start off and light some fires then giving a shout-out to the top 5 CLUBWAKA MLS Goal Scorers.
After blowing the dust off some old boxes laying around in his office, Brad Kirby found what is believed by many the most important statistic in soccer, GOALS SCORED. As a defender, I disagree... but I am here to give the people what they want. For those who don't know or are new to the league, Brad with the help of the referees keeps a record of number of goals scored and who scored them. At the end of the season, the player with the most goals is honored in front of all their peers in a grand celebration at Oozlefinch and is awarded the golden boot. This data from the regular season Spring 18, Fall 18, and Spring 19 does include the first round of playoffs because everyone plays in the first round. But not the subsequent games after teams have been eliminated. This is done for fairness giving everyone the opportunity to play the same number of games. The numbers are in and the numbers prove this league is exciting! 1,096 goals scored by 230 different players and here are the top 5 goal scorers in CLUBWAKA MLS History!
Topping off the list is two time Golden boot winner (Spring 18 & Spring 19) Tom Weniger of Oozlekicks. Tom is very good at finishing his opportunities if you let him shoot he is very likely to find the back of the net and with 48 total goals the numbers prove it. Congratulation TOM!
After blowing the dust off some old boxes laying around in his office, Brad Kirby found what is believed by many the most important statistic in soccer, GOALS SCORED. As a defender, I disagree... but I am here to give the people what they want. For those who don't know or are new to the league, Brad with the help of the referees keeps a record of number of goals scored and who scored them. At the end of the season, the player with the most goals is honored in front of all their peers in a grand celebration at Oozlefinch and is awarded the golden boot. This data from the regular season Spring 18, Fall 18, and Spring 19 does include the first round of playoffs because everyone plays in the first round. But not the subsequent games after teams have been eliminated. This is done for fairness giving everyone the opportunity to play the same number of games. The numbers are in and the numbers prove this league is exciting! 1,096 goals scored by 230 different players and here are the top 5 goal scorers in CLUBWAKA MLS History!
Topping off the list is two time Golden boot winner (Spring 18 & Spring 19) Tom Weniger of Oozlekicks. Tom is very good at finishing his opportunities if you let him shoot he is very likely to find the back of the net and with 48 total goals the numbers prove it. Congratulation TOM!
Tom is closely followed by the very skilled and Fall 18 Golden boot winner Michael Machie of Ronaldo McDonaldo with 43 finishes.
Mike and Tom don’t know this but we have a fun battle to watch this season. Both these players are tied for the single season goal record at 18 and both are only a few goals shy of breaking 50 Goals. Who is going to break the 50 goal barrier first? Tom starting the Fall 19 season with a goose egg and Oozlekicks having a tough schedule could tip the odds in Michael’s favor though Michael splitting game time with two other top ten finishers could balance the field. This is a stat to keep your eyes on. It’s extremely likely both break 50 this season but who will get the honor of FIRST To FIFTY!
There must be something in the water cooler for Ronaldo McDonaldo (I hear it’s White Claw) because the next two players on the list split play time with Michael on Ronaldo McDonaldo. For those who don’t know Ronaldo McDonaldo has been to three straight championship matches although they have only brought home the hardware once they are true contenders every year and this is why. Coming in at 3rd and 4th both from Ronaldo McDonaldo we have Dara Emami 3rd with 34 goals and our very own commissioner Brad Kirby in 4th slotting 28 finishes.
Finding his way to number 5 in our ranking with 24 goals, is Chad Martin a speedy player of Look Ma’ No Hands. The first two seasons Chad put up some numbers. Tying Tom on top of the charts in the Spring 18 season with 14 goals only to fall short on a tie breaker ruling of number of games played. He followed through in the fall with a strong top 10 finish. Look Ma’ had a tough Spring 19 regular season and Chads numbers followed. After being seated 7th they pulled out a big finish in the playoffs, upsetting the number 1 ranked Ronaldo McDonaldo and took home the championship trophy.
Looking forward to seeing you all at the fields next Sunday! Hope everyone is having a restful bye week.
THE RACE FOR THE GOLDEN BOOT - FALL 2019
You too can be a champion.
Chris Sharrett finished last season with 9 goals. Through 1 week, he's already over halfway there. Hat tricks by Matt Kraft of Misfits and Matt Burleson of Moat Monsters put them in a great position to be in the running this season. Our previous winners, Tom Weniger of Oozlekicks and Michael Machie of Ronaldo McDonaldo started slow with 1 goal and 0 goals, respectively. I don't expect that will continue.
GAME OF THE WEEK - WEEK 2
OOZLEKICKS VS. ALL STARS FOOTBALL CLUB - 1 PM
(one day they'll have crests that I can post to make the game of the week more formal - hint hint)
All Stars will be looking to rebound while Oozlekicks will look to start 2-0. Going to be a good one, folks. It'll get you out of your seat.
WEEK 2 @ OOZLEFINCH
Food truck hasn't been posted yet, but I'll give an update on here. All I know is that I better see a lot of you there!
Made it through my first blog and am amped as hell about the MLS Historical Society! See y'all in a week.
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Made it through my first blog and am amped as hell about the MLS Historical Society! See y'all in a week.
Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks - Sparkle Hard
Los Campesinos! - We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed
Jorge Ben - Africa Brasil
TV on the Radio - Dear Science
Teenage Fanclub - Bandwagonesque
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