AMAH(F)B: Freedom Edition

By Nathaniel Johnson, Foul Balls

The Foul Balls have spent the past several weeks on a spiritual journey.  On the first weekend of this journey, I ventured with Captain Nardi and Team Sabermetrician Andreas Beyersdorf into the fearsome woods of the Newport News City Park for a two day test of intestinal fortitude and wilderness survival with eight legends from Foul Balls' storied past.  I realize there will be be some skeptics remaining among my readers, but on this wilderness sojourn I was provided with a dusty, faded black and white photograph of the Foul Balls proudly hoisting the Wentworth Trophy from their  Fall 2008 championship campaign.  I made sure to touch the trophy in the photograph, knowing this would be the closest I would ever come to making contact with this hallowed prize.  I cannot hope to describe the rush of emotions I felt during this trip down memory lane, but it was equaled only by the "rush" I felt after making a meal of four pounds of Amish Potato Salad the previous evening.  Advice from the Foul Balls Hall of Fame Reunion members included such gems as "you should try drinking more before games" to "are you sure you're drinking enough during games?".  I tried to reassure our revered forefathers that we were indeed putting forth our best efforts in regards to destroying our long suffering livers.  Therein, I soon learned, lay our troubles.  At the center of the Foul Balls philosophy are the immortal words of Yoda, "there is no try, only do".  Henceforth, we will be self-policing our squad and penalizing any player thought to be exerting too much effort.  You're welcome kickball world.

Spring 2008 Foul Balls

Over Memorial Day weekend, the Foulies gathered to take a well-deserved Nags Head vacation.  We spent part of our beach side sabbatical practicing kickball in the surf and the sand.  For those of you who weren't there, just imagine the opening scene from Chariots of Fire except all participants are drunk.  We also finally managed to have a cookout where no burgers were frozen or burned, mostly due to my lack of involvement in the grilling process. 
 
In this week's edition, I will once again make a concerted effort to reference on field action and use this blog for it's intended purpose.  We dropped a 5-1 decision to Battlestar Ballsacktica in what was a highly entertaining and enjoyable contest.  Adam Bridwell returned to us from the 30 day disabled list to put our only run of the night across the plate during a spirited Foul Balls rally in the bottom of the fifth inning.  Our fondest regards to the Battlestar for a fun game and my personal thanks for offering to have my back if I was to be assaulted by any small, spiky haired creatures.

 
I have relished the opportunity to report weekly from the front lines of Foul Balls ongoing battle against responsibility and well-executed kickball.  I have received an outpouring of support for my journalistic exploits and inane ramblings (shout out back to Justin Littell from Jagernauts, the only other WAKA blogger currently in the running for a 2011 Peabody Award).  The staff at AMAH(F)B has endeavored to provide an insight into the culture of the ever-developing Foul Territory and occasionally a glimpse into our on field triumphs? missteps? achievements? comedy of errors?  This blog began as an open love letter to the Foul Balls and has undergone many permutations during the first ten weeks of the Spring 2011 season.  AMAH(F)B is now an invitation for a league wide group hug, because we would like to send our love to the other 14 teams whose company we enjoy at War Memorial and Luckie's every Wednesday night.  Hopefully this blog has brought joy beyond the borders of Foul Territory, because to provide an overly detailed account of kickball games for only one team to consume on a weekly basis would be a rather tedious and joyless endeavor... plus it would remind me too much of my high school days not being allowed to eat lunch at the table where the kids who smoked cigarettes hung out.  (Author's Note: I have since not only smoked cigarettes, but also gone back to my high school at age 27 and triumphantly sat at the cool table and heckled nerds)

Too much effort?

Due to the Memorial Day holiday weekend and general apathy, this edition of AMAH(F)B will also cover the week of June 1st.  We were once again under the gun a bit when trying to round out our roster for the week, but a barefoot Marie Harper skipped a flight to Texas and came dashing into War Memorial with her trusty canine companion in tow to ensure that the (shit)show would go on.  The aforementioned Foul Balls vacation did wonders for our squad as we once again showed progress on offense and defense.  I think the evening was best summed up by John Max who, upon reaching third base in the fourth declared, "Third! This is the first time I've made third!"  The Gangsters should count themselves lucky that they recorded the third out immediately thereafter, because Mr. Max had the look of a man who was recently informed that his cardboard cut-out and on-again, off-again bromance target had been brutally beheaded.  For a video of what may have followed, please refer to the Buster Posey collision video and just imagine his head popping off at the end.  In the field we completed a very solid defensive effort that was devoid of any Benny Hill-style miscues.  Sincere, Brandon, and Mr. Max put in a workmanlike, blue collar performance in the outfield.  As a fair warning to our final two opponents, if we play downright respectable after a three day weekend, I pity you having to face the Foul Balls buzzsaw following a two week hiatus.
 
Couple of the Week: America's Heroes and Me.  God knows I love 'em.  The Foulies have a couple of veterans and active duty soldiers on our roster and I know many other teams in our league have members of our armed forces among their ranks.  This week I am giving all my love, respect and thanks to the men and women that serve our great nation.  Now allow for a pause while I work my way down from this very tall soapbox I have constructed.

Just imagine a flag being lifted up here.

In concordance with our COTW this week, our traditional love song will be replaced with a tune about those brave men and women we need to remember on Memorial Day and everyday.  Also, its just a chance for me to geek out because this is my favorite band and they're coming to town next week, so don't fear readers, at the core of all my patriotic rhetoric, I'm still a little selfish.