AMAH(F)B: It's Time for Them to be Scared of Us

by Jorts Johnson, Foul Balls
photos by Nick Sutton, JFK

Free Ballin's Holly Lenard scurries
away from John Max.

The Foul Balls and Free Ballin' not only share the FB acronym, but both squads had faced Jiminy Kick It and the New Kickheads in their first two games of the season.  Fast Bailin' won both contests and outscored their opponents 14-6.  Gang Green was defeated in both games by a combined score of 17-1.  Needless to say, the outlook for the Fightin' Foulies' Week 3 battle with Frequently Bawlin' was bleak, at best.    

Surprising everyone outside of Foul Territory, the Foul Balls came out ballin' in the 6:30 game.  The early start and consequential sobriety certainly contributed to the strong performance.  In addition, the return of weekly gambling lines inspired the Foulies to return to their custom of ruining every GMOT gambler's week.  I tried to warn everyone about picking against the Foul Balls, but some folks never learn.  Sure enough, five out of five respondents on the GMOT picked against us.  Tsk Tsk.   

The first three innings featured spectacular play from Crystal "The Highlight" Tanner.  Based on Crystal's Week 3 performance, the coaching staff has been considering having Jorts Johnson take a seat in center to stay out of Crystal's way as she covers the entire outfield on her own.  She and Dennis Gholson so enjoyed combining on a double play in the top of the second, they decided to repeat the feat on offense in the bottom half of the frame.  Crystal blazed around the bases and was booted in by Dennis to give the Foulies their first lead of the season, 1-0.  John "Mr. Reach" Robb, playing in only his second organized kickball game, stepped up huge at the charger position and feasted all night on Free Ballin's bunts.

I have struggled to find the words to describe the mood surrounding the field as we headed into the third.   I realized there is only one man who could sum up the general aura about the field:

Image of Happy learned how to putt.

Fun Bannin' tied the game up in the top half of the fourth inning and had runners on second and third with only one out. Mr. Reach again made his presence felt and stopped the bleeding with an unassisted double play.  Despite putting ducks on the pond, the Foulies were unable to capitalize at the plate in the bottom half of the fourth.  

In the bottom of the fifth inning, now trailing by a 4-1 margin, the Foulies placed runners at second and third with two outs.  Dennis "Ghoul"-son swaggered up to the plate.  Dennis had been enjoying an all-around dominant day with not one, but two double plays at first base and had reached base safely in his previous two at-bats.  I now call Dennis "Ghoul"-son because he must be one scary dude.  Four Ballin' consulted Gang Green's lineup (which is a concept heretofore unknown to most Foul Balls) as the Ghoul took his place in the batter's box.  It was at this moment that Free Ballin' began to live up to their moniker.  You see, it became evident that Free Ballin' had let their balls hang just a little bit too free.  In fact, their balls were so free, they apparently left them at home Wednesday night.  Four Ballin' decided to grant the Ghoul a free pass to first (once again, a concept heretofore unknown to most Foul Balls).  They didn't even have the decency to issue a walk with four slow rolls far off the plate.  Instead, the Free Ballin' pitcher opted for the single bounce across the plate method of intentionally walking a kicker, which serves to thinly disguise an intentional walk by having each pitch come reasonably close to the plate.  Unfortunately, the final out was recorded next and the Foul Ball's upset bid ended.

I turned to my teammates this week to offer commentary in support of my All-Peninsula campaign:

Captain Andreas Beyersdorf: "We were winning until you showed up."

John Robb: "Weren't we leading the whole game until you showed up?"

Carolee Larger: "Maybe you should just stay in class next week."

Captain Jen Nardi: "I was happy to see you." 

...and I made up the last quote.  A lesser (and less self-involved) man would abandon his self-indulgent All-Peninsula campaign after such harsh words from his own locker room. I am not that man.

  

Foul Territory's fight song of the week captures our indefatigable team spirit:

The 6:30 kickoff may have boosted our chances on the kickball diamond, but it damaged our bar performance later in the evening.  We had a strong early showing, but ducked out early on what seemed to be an overall tame WAKA Wednesday at Luckies.  Francisca Cespedes served notice that she will be a social force to be reckoned with in the coming weeks with her flip cup and cornhole skills.  The highlight of my night was Mat, Francisca and Carolee teaching me at least seven different ways to insult people in sign language, so if you notice me gesturing at the plate then I'm probably using the one and only friendly greeting sign that I learned.  Yup, that's it.