Week 3 Previews/Gambling Lines

Week 3 Gambling Lines

Well, I got so carried away with late nights of poring over obscure Super Bowl prop bets that the Raptor League Week 3 gambling lines faded into the background. I have since emptied my entire change tray on betting the affirmative on Kelly Clarkson’s stomach showing during the national anthem (+300) and picking the over on live Peyton Manning appearances (3.5). Admittedly, the Kelly Clarkson bet may be mostly wishful thinking, but a Redskins fan has to have something to look forward to this time of year. Thankfully, there are plenty of kickball enthusiasts trolling Facebook late into the night to keep the WAKA page consistently at the top of my news feed (just barely beating out pictures of cats) to remind me that this glorious week of kickball cannot go forward without the lines being set and vast riches exchanging hands.

Last week the Foot Snipers asserted themselves as championship contenders ring with a narrow 5-4 victory over a Pounders team that is taking a few lumps early with a brutal schedule. Any perceived lack of respect for this impressive group of marksmen by the casinos was due to glaring ignorance on the part of the odds makers. The Dead Kennedys continued to roll with a convincing win over Frosty Ballin’. Earning their first wins of the season, Team Kick Ass put up big numbers against the “drunkard doubleheader” of Foul Balls/Whiskey Kick and All Up in the Bunt pulled out a close contest over the Chubby Gangsters. The condensed season continues to offer up more mildly surprising twists than an M. Night Shyamalan screenplay (Bruce Willis is dead, the village is in the present day, aliens visit Mel Gibson’s house, trees are trying to kill Marky Mark, Bruce Willis is back as a superhero!, and no one saw Lady in the Water so it’s impossible to ruin).

Foul Balls (1,237:1) vs. All Up In the Bunt (30:1)

The Bunt looks to start a winning streak against a Foul Balls team that has an impressive streak of their own going…no ties since November, 2010! Picking against the Foul Balls seems almost academic at this point but TWIST! Wade Brock doesn’t singlehandedly ruin the Balls chance at victory and plays like he’s done this before! It’s still not enough. Bunted (-4.5)

Whiskey Kick (451:1) vs. Frosty Ballin’ (10:1)

The Frosties hoped to earn a place among the Raptor elite last week, but stumbled a bit against the JFK with uncharacteristic defensive slips. They hope to right the ship by downing Whiskey Kick. TWIST! The Whiskey Kick team spends Friday night sober and shows up fresh, relaxed and not hung over for their one o’clock kickoff. Unfortunately, too much sobriety, too fast, keeps the Kicks from rising to the occasion. I need a drink. Frosty (-5.5)

JFK (5:4) vs. Chubby Gangsters (292:1)

JFK will be focused on their two o’clock battle for first with the Foot Snipers, but it’s never a good idea to underestimate a Gangster. The Chubbies are quite possibly the most enthusiastic and spirited organization in the Raptor league and arrive for every contest fired up. The Chubs may be guilty of looking ahead to their two o’clock rumble with the Foul Balls. TWIST! Bryan Freed tosses four shut-out innings, scores three runs and records a record setting 8 RKIs. Just F*ckin’ Kick (-8.5)

Peninsula Pounders (2:1) vs. Kick Ass (15:1)

Both camps have been gearing up for this game with bulletin board material being bandied back and forth through the media. On Saturday afternoon these teams will finally have the chance to fight it out like cats and dogs. If Kick Ass wants to make the jump into the upper echelon of the league, this would be the game to make a statement. The Pounders hold a big edge in experience and it’s an advantage they will look to exploit. TWIST! KA’s beloved dog, Danger, is mauled by a suspiciously well-orchestrated marauding pack of wild cats. Pound it Out (-3.0)

Foul Balls (1,237:1) vs. Chubby Gangsters (292:1)

Two weeks after a slipping and sliding to a 12-6 decision in favor of the Chubbies, these two teams face off for the second time in this young season. The Foul Balls have had a couple of games to gel, but will be without the services of catcher John Max who will surely be thinking of this game while touring Italian wine country. Likewise, the Chubbies are figuring things out on both sides of the ball, but are will be suffering defensively after an injury to starting charger David Tortolini. TWIST! The Foul Balls exploit a loophole in WAKA regulations and add former Foul Ball legends Jacob Smith, Greg Moore and Roger Jackson to the roster, but Wade Brock ruins everything by forgetting to pick up the stars at the airport. Still feeling Chubby (-5.0)

Foot Snipers (3:2) vs. JFK (5:4)

We saved the best for last this week. This clash of kickball titans will (most likely) determine first place in the Raptor standings heading into Week 4 and provide the inside track to the coveted #1 seed in the playoffs. No twist needed here, all of the drama will be on field #3 at Gosnold’s Park. This game promises to be the highlight of the Week 3 schedule. Pick ‘em!

Odds that Luckie’s has been setting up “Reserved Tables” around 5:00 p.m. every Saturday as a ruse to run off their kickball patrons: Even money.