CLUBWAKA MLS Fall 2019 Preseason Team Capsules

And so it begins.... the Fall 2019 season of the most Mediocrey of Soccer Leagues. 

But before it does, some of you are new and I feel it's my duty to help orient you to our rich history.  Behold, our preseason Team Capsules... Read these and next Sunday you won't roll out there lookin' like...

All Stars Football Club

Team Color: Maroon
Captain: Eddie Lopez
Last Season's Record: 5-1-1 (#4)
All Time Record: 5-1-1
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: Foot Works and Look Ma, No Hands

Defenders of the Bridge

Team Color: Navy
Captain: Carl Hanson
Last Season's Record: 1-5-1 (#13)
All Time Record: 1-5-1
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: Does Lionsbridge FC count?
Team Motto: This Is Our Bridge!
Team Crest: 


Hangover 86 FC

Team Color: Carolina Blue
Captain: Mickey Amaro
Last Season's Record: 1-4-2 (#12)
All Time Record: 10-9-3
Former Award Winners: Mickey Amaro - Spring 2018 Golden Gal; Chris Garcia - Fall 2018 Hands of God
Former Club Affiliations: N/A
Team Cheer: "Tequila..... SHOTS!"



Hot & Messi

Team Color: Heliconia Pink
Captain: Joe Connors
Last Season's Record: 1-6 (#15)
All Time Record: 3-18
Former Award Winners: David Chappell - Fall 2018 Sign-Up Simon
Former Club Affiliations: N/A






I Think We Can Do Better
Team Color: White
Captain: Gabe Fricke
Last Season's Record: N/A
All Time Record:
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: Catch Me Offsides, All Bark No Bite



Kick in a Box

Team Color: Primary: White Customs; Secondary: Coral Silk
Captain: Ryan O'Donnell
Last Season's Record: 2-3-2 (#9)
All Time Record: 8-11-3
Former Award Winners: N/A
Former Club Affiliations: N/A
Team Hashtag: #theperfectgift




Look Ma, No Hands

Team Color: Lime Green
Captain: Jamie Chard
Last Season's Record: 3-4 (#7)
All Time Record: 13-7-2
Trophies: Spring 2019 MLS Cup Winners
Former Award Winners: Calli Sherrill - Fall 2018 Golden Gal; Joe Ingraham - Spring 2019 Hands of God
Former Club Affiliations: None
Team Slogan: "Everybody's Rival"




Misfits

Team Color: Primary: Royal/Navy Customs; Secondary: Royal
Captain: Adam Frantz
Last Season's Record: 4-2-1 (#6)
All Time Record: 6-8-1
Trophies: MLS League 2 Cup - Fall 2018
Former Award Winners: Adam Frantz (Sign-up Simon - Spring 2019)
Former Club Affiliations: UTTOTPHJ
Team Motto: "Talk $h!t, Play Dirty"






Moat Monsters

Team Color: Purple
Captain: Michael Dorsey
Last Season's Record: 5-2 (#5)
All Time Record: 15-6-1
Trophies: Spring 2018 MLS Cup Winners
Former Award Winners: Sarah Watson (Golden Gal - Spring 2019)
Former Club Affiliations: None
Team Mascot: 


Motherlovers
Team Color: Primary: Black Customs; Secondary: Orange
Captain: Ryan O'Donnell
Last Season's Record: N/A
All Time Record: N/A
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: Kick in a Box
Team Motto: "I'm a motherlover.  You're a motherlover"



Netkicks and Chill

Team Color: Black
Captain: Sam Huffman
Last Season's Record: 6-1 (#2)
All Time Record:11-9-1
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: N/A






Oozlekicks

Team Color: Cardinal Red
Captain: Jay Coble
Last Season's Record: 5-1-1 (#3)
All Time Record: 13-8-1
Former Award Winners: Jay Coble - Hands of God Spring 2018, Tom Weniger - *2* Time Winner - Golden Boot - Spring 2018, Spring 2019
Former Club Affiliations: N/A
Team Motto: MAKE THE SIMPLE PASS






PKs and IPAs

Team Color: Texas Orange
Captain: Erik Halvorsen
Last Season's Record: 2-4-1 (#11)
All Time Record: 2-4-1
Trophies: MLS League 2 Cup - Spring 2019
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: N/A





Rebel Alliance
Team Color: Forest
Captain: Katelynn Cioffi
Last Season's Record: N/A
All Time Record: N/A
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: N/A



Retired Athletes

Team Color: Charcoal
Captain: Hector Ramos
Last Season's Record: 2-3-2 (#10)
All Time Record: 2-3-2
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: N/A





Ronaldo McDonaldo

Team Color: Primary: Red Customs, Secondary: Gold
Captain: Brad 'Braddlesnake' Kirby
Last Season's Record: 7-0 (#1)
All Time Record: 20-2
Trophies: Fall 2018 MLS Cup Winners
Former Club Affiliations: None
Former Award Winners: Michael Machie - Golden Boot Fall 2018
Team Slogan: 'Billions Serrrrved'
Team Cheer: 'McFlurry!'
Team Crest:







Soccer, I Hardly Knew 'Er
Team Color: Irish Green
Captain: Forrest Hannahs
Last Season's Record: N/A
All Time Record: N/A
Former Award Winners: N/A
Former Club Affiliations: Catch Me Offsides, All Bark No Bite
Team Motto: Scared Money Don't Make Money
Team Hashtag: #betterluckythangood
Team Gif: Right here.
Team Crest: 



UnAtletico Monroe

Team Color: Ice Grey

Captain: Dustin Harris
Last Season's Record: 3-4 (#8)
All Time Record: 4-10-1
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: Ibra Kadibra, White Joggers