CLUBWAKA MLS Spring 2020 - Preview

RETURN OF THE MEDI (OCRE)

And with March comes the emergence of the beautiful butterfly that is CLUBWAKA MLS.  To be honest, this season's version is more like Mothra in that it seems to have mutated and grown to Godzilla size.  I remember joking a few seasons ago about getting to 20 teams and splitting into two divisions with promotion/relegation.  Who knew we'd be more likely to have a World Cup infrastructure than an EPL infrastructure.  More to come on that in a bit... but let's get back to introducing you to this beautiful butterfly.

The following is a basic intro to the teams in the league in alphabetical order.  No analysis - just a start so you can orient yourself to what teams are in the league, who's kind enough to captain each team, and what color they are.  Following that, we'll cover some super exciting news regarding how the schedule is going to be built and when it will be announced so be sure to read all the way through.

MEET THE MLS!

1. Balls Deep

Captain: Dani Robinson

Color: Jet Black

Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 0

All Time Record: 0-0

Previous Award Winners: Dani Robinson - Golden Gal - Fall 2019

Titles: 0

Lots of former Hot and Messi players looking to jump directly to end this season where they ended last season - top of the table.

2. Barce-loners

Captain: Adam Carr
Color: True Royal
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 0
All Time Record: 0-0
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

A free agent squad that may take a few weeks to gel.  But I know a few of those that are signed up and this is going to be a fun and talented squad once they get to know each other.

3. DOTB

Captain: Carl Hanson
Color: Bright Aqua
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 2
All Time Record:  6-8-3
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

The Lionsbridge FC Die-Hards are back with their player-coach Chris Whalley looking to build on last year's middle of the table finish.

4. FKs and Lagers

Captain: Callum Sutherland
Color: Neon Orange
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 0
All Time Record: 0-0
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

A spin-off squad from PKs and IPAs, Callum looks to repeat PKs success from last year with some goals off free kicks and a whole lot of Oozlefinch lagers.

5. Hampton Hotspur

Captain: Jason Fisher
Color: Navy
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 0
All Time Record: 0-0
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

A former White Jogger, Jason Fisher took a season off to run a marathon and do some recruiting.  Now he's looking to take the Hampton Hotspur from expansion team to MLS Cup champs.

6. Hangover 86 FC

Captain: Mickey Amaro
Color: Custom Blue Jerseys (Aquatic Blue Alternate Kit)
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 4 (original team)
All Time Record: 14-13-3
Previous Award Winners: Mickey Amaro - Golden Gal - Spring 2018; Chris Garcia - Hands of God - Fall 2018
Titles: 0

Mickey brings the team back for a fifth season with some brand new kits and a hunger for their first MLS Cup.

7. Hot and Messi

Captain: Brittany Thomas
Color: Kelly Green
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 4 (original team)
All Time Record: 10-20
Previous Award Winners: David Chappell - Sign-Up Simon - Fall 2018
Titles: 0

After an amazing run last season, Hot and Messi has changed colors, personnel, and their captain - but look to keep the same results.

8. Hungry Hippos

Captain: Maegan Kranz
Color: Neon Orange
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 0
All Time Record: 0-0
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

A new squad to the league with an absolutely amazing sign up period - the whole team signed up in a few days.  Looking forward to seeing what they can do on the pitch.

9. Hurting Feelings Football Club (formerly All Stars FC)

Captain: Heriberto Lopez
Color: Charcoal
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 2
All Time Record: 9-4-3
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

After squeaking into the top bracket last year, All Stars won their play-in game and lost the second game to the number 1 seed (Hot & Messi) 1-0.  Always a factor in the top of the table, they're likely to make some squads shed some tears.

10. ITWCDBII: Electric Boogaloo

Captain: Caitlin Weirick
Color: Neon Pink
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 1
All Time Record: 3-3-2
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

Leadership of ITWCDB transitioned from Gabe Fricke to Caitlin Weirick in the offseason and that added as a splash of color as they decided to go from white to neon pink.  No one thought they'd finish in the MLS Cup Playoffs in their first season in the Fall, but they defied expectations.  Something Caitlin hopes they'll do this season.

11. Kick in a Box

Captain: Chris Kostryka
Color: Custom Black Lonely Island Jerseys (Alternate Kit: Navy)
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 4 (original team)
All Time Record: 8-18-4
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

After the split of KIAB and Motherlovers last season, KIAB needed an adjustment season.  They've refueled with some new blood and have been practicing weekly.  Watch out WAKA.

12. Look Ma, No Hands

Captain: Jamie Chard
Color: Neon Green
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 4 (original team)
All Time Record: 14-15-2
Previous Award Winners: Calli Sherrill - Golden Gal - Fall 2018; Joe Ingraham - Hands of God - Spring 2019
Titles: 1 MLS Cup Championship (Spring 2019)

**Added post-publication due to Lindsay Ingraham rightfully calling me out.**

Look Ma went from the penthouse to the outhouse in one season, but with a more favorable schedule in the Spring and a restructured roster based with increased likelihood of attendance, they're ready to get back into the top tier where they belong. 

13. Misfits

Captain: Adam Frantz
Color: Custom Black and Royal Jerseys (Alternate Kit: True Royal)
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 3
All Time Record: 11-10-3
Previous Award Winners: Adam Frantz - Sign Up Simon - Fall 2018; Buck Waldrop - Hands of God - Fall 2019
Titles: 1 Division 2 Cup Championship (Fall 2018)

So much recruiting, so little time.  Although this season puts Adam and his band of Misfits in a replacing scenario as a couple of key contributors aren't playing.  Either way, they're still a heavy favorite to at least make the final 4 if not bring home their first MLS Cup trophy.

14. Moat Monsters

Captain: Michael Dorsey
Color: Team Purple
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 4 (original team)
All Time Record: 23-6-3
Previous Award Winners: Sarah Watson - Golden Gal - Spring 2019
Titles: 2 MLS Cup Championships (Spring 2018 and Fall 2019)

The most consistent team in the league who added to their riches in the Fall with their second championship.  Watch how they move the ball week 1 - the gold standard in organization even when they don't have people show up.

15. Mother Lovers

Captain: Ryan O'Donnell
Color: Custom White Lonely Island Jerseys (Alternate Kit: Team Purple)
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 1
All Time Record: 6-3-1
Previous Award Winners: Ryan O'Donnell (Sign Up Simon - Fall 2019)
Titles: 1 Division 2 Cup Championship (Fall 2019)

They're back for some additional lovin'.  A top tier team that was beat out on tiebreakers -- they ran the table to secure the Division 2 Cup in the Fall, but they look to do more than that in the Spring.

16. Multiple Scoregasms (formerly Soccer? I Hardly Knew 'Er)

Captain: Zach Murrell
Color: Dark Green
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 1
All Time Record: 3-5
Previous Award Winners: Ryan Greene (Golden Boot - Fall 2019)
Titles: 0

Multiple Scoregasms has 15 guys on their team, so don't expect them to get tired.  They also added some additional firepower to an already high powered offense.  Expect them to take a huge jump up the table in the Spring.

17. Netkicks and Chill

Captain: Sam Huffman
Color: Neon Yellow
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 4 (original team)
All Time Record: 11-16-2
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

Netkicks had a huge drop off last season after finishing last Spring 6-1.  Part of that is due to schedule, but part of it was due to attendance.  If they can get their squad to show up, expect them to be in the fight to make the top bracket.

18. Oozlekicks

Captain: Jay Coble
Color: Neon Pink
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 4 (original team)
All Time Record: 18-9-4
Previous Award Winners: Jay Coble (Hands of God - Spring 2018); Tom Weniger (Golden Boot - Spring 2018); Tom Weniger (Golden Boot - Spring 2019)
Titles: 0

The Ooze had a phenomenal season in the Fall finishing close to the top and then beating Ronaldo in the first round of the playoffs.  Extremely good keeping, multiple top goal scorers and an organized defense.  Another major contender for the Cup this season.

19. PKs and IPAs

Captain: Erik Halvorsen
Color: Cardinal
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 2
All Time Record: 7-6-1
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 1 Division 2 Cup Championship (Spring 2019)

Springing off their Division 2 Cup Championship in their first season, PKs skied up the table to finish last season in 4th place.  With a few of their players leaving for FKs and Lagers this season, they'll be looking to replace those pieces and continue to progress.

20. Rebel Alliance

Captain: Katelynn Cioffi
Color: Dark Green
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 1
All Time Record: 4-5
Previous Award Winners: Scott Tinsley (Sign Up Simon - Spring 2018)
Titles: 0

The Rebels are back and have added some additional firepower in Gary Johnson and Scott Tinsley.  Expect them to compete with the top tier teams in the Spring.

21. Retired Athletes

Captain: Hector Ramos
Color: Aquatic Blue
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 2
All Time Record: 4-9-2
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

Listen - I'm going to be honest about my bias.  Retired Athletes are one of my favorite teams in the league.  Always a smile on these guys and competitive to boot.  They return most of their squad from the Fall and I expect them to improve on their 2-6 record.

22. Ronaldo McDonaldo

Captain: Brad Kirby
Color: Custom Red Jerseys (Alternate Kit: Jet Black)
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 4 (original team)
All Time Record: 24-5-1
Previous Award Winners: Michael Machie (Golden Boot - Fall 2018)
Titles: 1 MLS Cup Championship (Fall 2018)

After their worst finish in 4 seasons, Ronaldo looks to get back on top in the Spring.  Was it their age?  Was it their captain's lack of focus on team as he tries to grow the league?  Was it injuries?  Was it baby making?  Who knows, but let's hope it doesn't happen again.  They're trying to keep up with Moat.

23. The Buffalos

Captain: Brian Diamond
Color: Charcoal
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 0
All Time Record: 0-0
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

The smallest roster in the league at 7 guys, 6 ladies, the Buffalos look to come out and prove they're way more than just another name for Bison.  My guess is they spend the whole season out-talking Adam Frantz and they may just be the newcomers of the year.

24. Unatletico Monroe

Captain: Dustin Harris
Color: Athletic Maroon
Seasons in CLUBWAKA MLS - 3 (as various names like Ibra Kadibra and White Joggers)
All Time Record: 7-15-2
Previous Award Winners: None
Titles: 0

UAM was close to making a run to the finals of the MLS Division 2 Cup playoffs last season with a win over Soccer? I Hardly Know 'Er in the first round only to narrowly lose to DOTB in the semis.  My guess for the outcome of the 2019 season? Favorite for the MLS Division 2 Cup.

THE SCHEDULE

Oh snap.  You guys don't even know.  Towards the end of the Fall season, the MLS Historical Society, myself, and Brent Wentworth (CLUBWAKA Hampton Roads CEO/President/Hero/Legend) began discussing ideas for how we could structure the schedule in 2019.  Dave McLain of Oozlekicks wanted divisions like the NFL.  Ryan O'Donnell asked a statistician to come up with a complicated BCS algorithm weighing results based on strength of schedule.  There was also lots of talk of two divisions with promotion/relegation.  Ultimately, I'm WAAAAAAY more excited to announce this.

So here goes... I'm proud to announce we will be basing our Spring 2020 Schedule on the FRICKIN FIFA WORLD CUP (or the Champions League if you'd prefer)!!!

What does this entail exactly?  

1. Teams have been ranked by yours truly based on a number of factors -- (1) previous performance (2) roster analysis, (3) league longevity and (4) the German National Team Manager Joachim Loew sniff test. #respect

2. Teams will then be split into 4 tiers (6 teams in each).

3. The 24 teams will then be randomly assigned to 6 different bins with a tier 1 team, a tier 2 team, a tier 3 team, and a tier 4 team in each 'bin'.  

4. Each team in the bin will play the other teams in the bin.  Then that bin will play 1 other bin.  So 3 games in your bin and 4 games against another for a total of 7 total games.  For example.. Team A in Bin 1 plays Team B, C, and D in bin 1 and then plays teams A, B, C, and D in Bin 2.  Bin 3 would play bin 3 and 4 and so on.

5.  The top two teams in each bin will advance to the MLS Cup Championship Playoffs.  The bottom two teams in each bin will advance to the MLS Division Two Cup Playoffs.

In future seasons, as your performance changes, you can move up or down the tiers just like in the FIFA world rankings.  This is obviously not a scientific ranking system, so if you don't like where I think you'll fall, prove me wrong but don't come at me spittin' Haterade as I don't have time for that drama.

6.  So where do we go from here?  I will post the teams and how they fall into each tier on the Facebook Group Page on the morning of Thursday March 5th, 2020.  Brent, Ryan, or I will then pull the 'bins' at some point later in the day - not sure if it'll be during the day or in the evening yet, but either way we'll let you know in advance when it's going to be and then try to post it on Facebook Live so everyone can follow along or watch later.  Then the schedule will be posted this weekend.  Stay tuned and if you have any questions at all... hit me up.

Talk to you all on the 'morrow.

CLUBWAKA MLS Fall 2019 Preseason Team Capsules

And so it begins.... the Fall 2019 season of the most Mediocrey of Soccer Leagues. 

But before it does, some of you are new and I feel it's my duty to help orient you to our rich history.  Behold, our preseason Team Capsules... Read these and next Sunday you won't roll out there lookin' like...

All Stars Football Club

Team Color: Maroon
Captain: Eddie Lopez
Last Season's Record: 5-1-1 (#4)
All Time Record: 5-1-1
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: Foot Works and Look Ma, No Hands

Defenders of the Bridge

Team Color: Navy
Captain: Carl Hanson
Last Season's Record: 1-5-1 (#13)
All Time Record: 1-5-1
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: Does Lionsbridge FC count?
Team Motto: This Is Our Bridge!
Team Crest: 


Hangover 86 FC

Team Color: Carolina Blue
Captain: Mickey Amaro
Last Season's Record: 1-4-2 (#12)
All Time Record: 10-9-3
Former Award Winners: Mickey Amaro - Spring 2018 Golden Gal; Chris Garcia - Fall 2018 Hands of God
Former Club Affiliations: N/A
Team Cheer: "Tequila..... SHOTS!"



Hot & Messi

Team Color: Heliconia Pink
Captain: Joe Connors
Last Season's Record: 1-6 (#15)
All Time Record: 3-18
Former Award Winners: David Chappell - Fall 2018 Sign-Up Simon
Former Club Affiliations: N/A






I Think We Can Do Better
Team Color: White
Captain: Gabe Fricke
Last Season's Record: N/A
All Time Record:
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: Catch Me Offsides, All Bark No Bite



Kick in a Box

Team Color: Primary: White Customs; Secondary: Coral Silk
Captain: Ryan O'Donnell
Last Season's Record: 2-3-2 (#9)
All Time Record: 8-11-3
Former Award Winners: N/A
Former Club Affiliations: N/A
Team Hashtag: #theperfectgift




Look Ma, No Hands

Team Color: Lime Green
Captain: Jamie Chard
Last Season's Record: 3-4 (#7)
All Time Record: 13-7-2
Trophies: Spring 2019 MLS Cup Winners
Former Award Winners: Calli Sherrill - Fall 2018 Golden Gal; Joe Ingraham - Spring 2019 Hands of God
Former Club Affiliations: None
Team Slogan: "Everybody's Rival"




Misfits

Team Color: Primary: Royal/Navy Customs; Secondary: Royal
Captain: Adam Frantz
Last Season's Record: 4-2-1 (#6)
All Time Record: 6-8-1
Trophies: MLS League 2 Cup - Fall 2018
Former Award Winners: Adam Frantz (Sign-up Simon - Spring 2019)
Former Club Affiliations: UTTOTPHJ
Team Motto: "Talk $h!t, Play Dirty"






Moat Monsters

Team Color: Purple
Captain: Michael Dorsey
Last Season's Record: 5-2 (#5)
All Time Record: 15-6-1
Trophies: Spring 2018 MLS Cup Winners
Former Award Winners: Sarah Watson (Golden Gal - Spring 2019)
Former Club Affiliations: None
Team Mascot: 


Motherlovers
Team Color: Primary: Black Customs; Secondary: Orange
Captain: Ryan O'Donnell
Last Season's Record: N/A
All Time Record: N/A
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: Kick in a Box
Team Motto: "I'm a motherlover.  You're a motherlover"



Netkicks and Chill

Team Color: Black
Captain: Sam Huffman
Last Season's Record: 6-1 (#2)
All Time Record:11-9-1
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: N/A






Oozlekicks

Team Color: Cardinal Red
Captain: Jay Coble
Last Season's Record: 5-1-1 (#3)
All Time Record: 13-8-1
Former Award Winners: Jay Coble - Hands of God Spring 2018, Tom Weniger - *2* Time Winner - Golden Boot - Spring 2018, Spring 2019
Former Club Affiliations: N/A
Team Motto: MAKE THE SIMPLE PASS






PKs and IPAs

Team Color: Texas Orange
Captain: Erik Halvorsen
Last Season's Record: 2-4-1 (#11)
All Time Record: 2-4-1
Trophies: MLS League 2 Cup - Spring 2019
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: N/A





Rebel Alliance
Team Color: Forest
Captain: Katelynn Cioffi
Last Season's Record: N/A
All Time Record: N/A
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: N/A



Retired Athletes

Team Color: Charcoal
Captain: Hector Ramos
Last Season's Record: 2-3-2 (#10)
All Time Record: 2-3-2
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: N/A





Ronaldo McDonaldo

Team Color: Primary: Red Customs, Secondary: Gold
Captain: Brad 'Braddlesnake' Kirby
Last Season's Record: 7-0 (#1)
All Time Record: 20-2
Trophies: Fall 2018 MLS Cup Winners
Former Club Affiliations: None
Former Award Winners: Michael Machie - Golden Boot Fall 2018
Team Slogan: 'Billions Serrrrved'
Team Cheer: 'McFlurry!'
Team Crest:







Soccer, I Hardly Knew 'Er
Team Color: Irish Green
Captain: Forrest Hannahs
Last Season's Record: N/A
All Time Record: N/A
Former Award Winners: N/A
Former Club Affiliations: Catch Me Offsides, All Bark No Bite
Team Motto: Scared Money Don't Make Money
Team Hashtag: #betterluckythangood
Team Gif: Right here.
Team Crest: 



UnAtletico Monroe

Team Color: Ice Grey

Captain: Dustin Harris
Last Season's Record: 3-4 (#8)
All Time Record: 4-10-1
Former Award Winners: None
Former Club Affiliations: Ibra Kadibra, White Joggers

CLUBWAKA MLS - Spring 2019 Week 4

WEEK 4 - Breakin'

When Brent and I were putting together the schedule, we had some concerns about having to have what amounts to three Sundays off to accommodate Easter, Memorial Day, and the Sand Soccer Tourney.  That's not including the fact that we may end up having to play on Mother's Day and Father's Day.  But now that we've come to break 1 after 4 games, I think it's a perfect time to chill out, max, relax all cool, go to church, see your family, and reflect on CLUBWAKA MLS Spring 2019 happenings.

So that's what we're doing on this lovely Easter.  Midseason reflection y'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall.

But first...

HOUSEKEEPING

1.  The Lost and Found is overflowing.  I literally have 10 water bottles in my garage from people forgetting them every week and like 3 extra soccer balls.  So I'll be bringing those out on 4/28 for people to pick them up.  But going forward, please please please remind your players post-game to grab their stuff so I don't need to rent a storage space for CLUBWAKA MLS Lost and Found.  

2.  Every week I hear from at least 2-3 players about something they didn't agree with in regards to referee calls.  This midseason blog is a good place to remind everyone that the refs are human and are covering an entire field by themselves.  GIVE THEM A BREAK.  And in regards to that, I think it's up to each team to semi-police themselves.  If a ball is out of bounds, give it to the other team -- don't try to cheat the system.  If you fouled someone, don't flip out and walk the other way, help the person up, apologize, and take the whistle.  If a new ref doesn't know a rule, tell it to them without screaming. 

And just a reminder for all you a) litterers and b) players trying to get one over on the ref:

3. Mother's Day is coming up 5/12.  As I sent out previously, we're doing Mother's Day photos for the second consecutive year.  Unfortunately, if I'm going to get them printed so you can have them a week before Mother's Day (5/5), that only leaves us this coming up Sunday to get them done.  I'll be coming back from a wedding in DC that AM and won't be there very early on that Sunday but will be around all day and will be glad to stay after (my game is at 1 PM that day).  I won't be coming around to solicit each team, so if you want one just come find me and we can straight Olan Mills those Ft. Monroe fields.  Here's a couple examples from last week.

WEEK 4 RESULTS AND STANDINGS

Kick in a Box vs. Defenders of the Bridge

This game was a back and forth affair that ended with a last second free kick blast by Ryan O'Donnell to earn a point against Defenders of the Bridge.  Scott Hines had me feeling those regrets post-game for not getting his second goal on camera and his subsequent shirt removal celebration.  I tried to encourage the ref to give him a straight red for his overenthusiastic celebration, but he wasn't havin it.  

Final - Kick in a Box 2 - 2 Defenders of the Bridge

All Bark No Bite vs. Oozlekicks

Call off the dogs.  Oozlekicks collared All Bark No Bite with a 10 goal explosion led by Tom Weniger's 4 goals.  Despite being the in winless column, All Bark No Bite still has a lot of fight in them and will look to get on track in Week 5 against Kick in a Box.  

Final - Oozlekicks 10 - 0 All Bark No Bite

Look Ma No Hands vs. Netkicks and Chill

GAME OF THE WEEK.  The undefeated Netkicks team taking on a solid top half team in Look Ma.  Netkicks took a commanding lead early with goals by Brendan Fajotina and Daryl Kuligowski in the first half.  The second half proved to be a different story as Look Ma continued fighting back (Scott George with another brace) and had chances to even the score late.  Ultimately, Netkicks prevailed and continues to sit at the top of the table having only given up 4 goals all season.  

Final - Netkicks and Chill 4 - 3 Look Ma, No Hands

White Joggers vs. Hot & Messi

White Joggers took on Hot and Messi in a very evenly matched game on paper but in speaking with H&M captain Dave Chappell prior to the game, half their roster is out with injuries.  Luckily the Pink Patrol have a 19 person roster.  In a game where there was a lot of referee chirping and a couple of cards, White Joggers continued their hot streak with a 6 goal outpouring and some absolutely miraculous saves from their keeper Matthew Carpenter.

Final - White Joggers 6 - 3 Hot & Messi

Retired Athletes vs. Hangover 86 FC

After last season's jump up the table, Hangover was dealt a tough early season schedule - having to face Ronaldo, Misfits, and Moat all in the first three games.  In week 4, they took on a Retired Athletes team that has been up and down thus far.  Both teams fought hard trying to earn that first win of the year.  Hangover was led by Jerald Jorge who was all over the field and Jordan Yingling for a hell of a shout outside of the box.  Ultimately, the couldn't break the stalemate with Retired Athletes earning their second draw of the season.  How anti-climactic!

Final - Retired Athletes 2 - 2 Hangover 86 FC

Misfits vs. Biercelona

Misfits cranked the volume up to 11 in the first few minutes of the game with goals by Blake Sexton and Davin Field early.  With Misfits setting the tone, it was too much for Biercelona to come back from despite solid efforts by Drew Shotts and Brandy Jayne.  In this one, there was controversy as the Biercelona keeper punted, the referee penalized them with a free kick outside of the box (should have been at half field) and Blake scored on the free kick.  

Final - Misfits 5 - 1 Biercelona

All Stars FC vs. Ronaldo McDonaldo

In the day's only battle of undefeateds, Ronaldo McDonaldo worked hard on defense to attempt to stifle the potent offense of All Stars FC.  Led by Leland Remias, Anderzon Rojas, and Valentin Valencia, they have been on a goalscoring tear.  With Steve Midlik and Frank Council holding down the back for Ronaldo McDonaldo, Dara Emami broke out to bag a hat trick as Ronaldo went on to down the All Stars and stay undefeated on the season.

Final - Ronaldo McDonaldo 5 - 1 All Stars FC

Moat Monsters vs. PKs and IPAs

Like Retired Athletes, PKs and IPAs has been up and down each game of the season thus far.  As everyone in the league knows, Moat Monsters has the talent to win the championship every season and they certainly showed it in Week 4.  Led by Matthew Burleson and Sarah Watson, Moat put the pedal to the metal and put 10 in the ol' onion bag.  

Moat Monsters 10 - 2 PKs and IPAs

Being that we're at midseason, let's take a look at the standings and see what the playoff matchups would be as of today.  As a reminder, the top 8 will vie for the CLUBWAKA MLS Cup and the second half of the table will be playing for the MLS League Two Cup.

MLS Cup Playoffs

(1) Netkicks and Chill vs. (8) Misfits - VERY tough first game for the 1 seed.

(2) Ronaldo McDonaldo vs. (7) Look Ma No Hands - an age old battle of grizzled vets.

(3) White Joggers vs. (6) All Stars FC - two relatively new teams bring a lot of intrigue to the top of the table

(4) Oozlekicks vs. (5) Moat Monsters - would be the game of the week - definitely.

Talk about some amazing games in the first round of the MLS Cup Bracket!  Woooooo weeeeee!

League Two Cup Playoffs

(9) PKs and IPAs vs. (16) All Bark No Bite - PKs and IPAs finish at the top of the second table while All Bark No Bite look for their second playoff win.

(10) Biercelona vs. (15) Hangover 86 FC - I'd call this a rivalry game at this point.  Think they've played each other a few times.

(11) Defenders of the Bridge vs. (14) Retired Athletes - the second table battle of the noobs.

(12) Kick in a Box vs. (13) Hot and Messi - Prepare yourself for some PINK ON PINK CRIME.

TEAM OF THE WEEK - WEEK 4

Tom Weniger - 4 goals.  Probably could have been more.  

Sarah Watson - A brace for Moat Monsters in their blowout win against PKs.

Ryan O'Donnell - A blast of a free kick earned his team a point in a draw against DOTB.

Scott Hines - People on Bourbon Street flash for beads.  Scott Hines flashes for goals.  A brace and a shirtless celebration earn him TOTW honors.

Daryl Kuligowski - Was tough choosing between him and Brendan Fajotina who continue to have Netkicks on the top of the table.  But 2 goals > 1 goal as the tiebreaker.

Brandy Jayne - Held down defense the whole game for Biercelona while taking on Misfits beast of an offense.  Way to hold down the fort, Brandy!

Matthew Carpenter - This guy has (had?) balls.  Saves upon saves upon saves to limit Hot and Messi's goal count and lead White Joggers up the table -- currently sitting in third.

THE RACE FOR THE GOLDEN BOOT

215 goals thus far this year -- they just keep coming.

With his 4 goals against All Bark No Bite, Tom Weniger has cleared a little space at the top of the leaderboard.  Matt Burleson (who plays defense in some games, mind you) currently sits at 2 with a couple of newcomers - Valentin Valencia and Trey Engleburg lining up with Fall's leader - Mike Machie with 6 goals a piece.

PHOTOS OF THE WEEK

Brad Kirby's Selections

Ryan O'Donnell of Kick in a Box faces Jimmy Boonruang of DOTB in a 1 v 1 situation.

Dara Emami of Ronaldo McDonaldo is slighhhhhtly outnumbered in the box as Mike Machie serves one up. 

Ryan O'Donnell's Selections

The Karate Kid (White Joggers keeper Matthew Carpenter) makes a save in the game against Hot and Messi.  Although I'm still struggling to figure out exactly what is going on here.

In CLUBWAKA MLS, all games have a happy ending.

Chad: This smells like grass.  Markis: All I see is ass.  Leonard: *slow clap*

WEEK 5 AT OOZLEFINCH

Not sure who the food truck will be yet but I'm damn sure they'll be serving up some deliciously cold brews, dudes!

Wheezin' the ju-uice.

GAME OF THE WEEK - WEEK 5

Biercelona vs. Hangover 86 FC

With Hangover recovering from their brutal early schedule, they're ready to get a win and Biercelona currently sit on the cusp of the top 8.  I'm not sure why I see this one as such a rivalry game, but having  played a few times in the past, I think it'll be intense.  You know what else is intense?  Camping.

See you next Sunday and I hope you all have a very Happy Easter!  Try not to accost the Easter Bunny, you hooligans!

via GIPHY


This blog powered by: 

King Geedorah - Take Me To Your Leader
Adrian Younge (ft. Ghostface Killah) - Twelve Reasons to Die
A Tribe Called Quest - Beats, Rhymes, and Life
Scratch Perry and the Upsetters - Super Ape

CLUBWAKA MLS - Spring 2019 Week 3

WEEK 3 - Absenteeism

It's that thing in adult recreational sports where you have 75 people on your roster but only have 6 show up and then the next week all 75 show up and no one gets playing time.  It's quite the quandary.

And then sometimes it gets even worse because the dude running the thing doesn't show b/c he has to go to a Bachelor Party in New Orleans.

So what does a league do in that situation?  With no one to set up flags, take photos and videos, try to keep Calli's expletives to a minimum, and try to keep bottles and cans out da trash?

I pity the fool that doesn't know to call in the A-Team.

And sure enough - they came to the rescue.  Brent Wentworth, CLUBWAKA Head Honcho, caught an amazing goal from Scott George of Look Ma on video and got everything set up and runnin smoothly.  Ryan O'Donnell, captain of Kick in a Box, gave the gift that keeps on giving with photos galore for the league to peruse and tag.  

So it was important that I lead the blog by thanking these two cats for their amazing effort to support the league.  

HOUSEKEEPING

1.  We're almost half way through the season, so I'm sure you'll have that guy (or gal) on your team that has worn his or her jersey 3 weeks straight without washing it and now has to burn it in a barrel in the back of the house.  Just a reminder that everyone should be wearing CLUBWAKA jerseys each week.  No substitutions.

2. No other housekeeping this week since I wasn't there to nitpick, but I did want to share this exchange from the Captains FB Page which I found to be hilarious.  Hope you partied hard.

WEEK 3 RESULTS AND STANDINGS

Look Ma, No Hands vs. Oozlekicks

Look Ma rebounded from their Perfect Storm loss last week to Kick in a Box to sterilize Oozlekicks attack with a Joe Ingraham shutout.  Meanwhile, Scott George had a brace and an absolutely beautiful finish was caught on video below.

Ooo ooo ooo

Final - Look Ma No Hands 2 - 0 Oozlekicks

Hot and Messi vs. Kick in a Box

The story of this one.... Carlos Grimaldo goes bananas.  Carlos, who is new to Hot and Messi this season, has impressed with his play thus far and certainly takes their offense to a new level.  Kick in a Box kept it close with the league's first bicycle/scissor kick from Kayson Bell, but it wasn't enough to keep Kick in a Box in the win column this week.  

Final - Hot and Messi 5 - 3 Kick in a Box

Misfits vs. Ronaldo McDonaldo

A shame for me to miss this one.  The stories I got.  First half was real tight with goalkeeper Brandon Silver leaving Misfits grimacing (see what I did there?) over missed chances.  Ronaldo turned on the offense in the second half with a header from Kevin Detrick and a hat trick from Michael Machie.  Misfits lone goal came from the ever-dangerous Davin Field.

Final - Ronaldo McDonaldo 5 - 1 Misfits

Moat Monsters vs. Hangover 86 FC

Ladies from each team were the story of this one with Alli Stauffer scoring a brace for Moat Monsters - one of which was a sweet volley.  Meanwhile, Mickey Amaro played the entire game and locked down the defense for Hangover.  Ultimately, Moat Monsters offensive firepower left Hangover with... err... a hangover.  

Final - Moat Monsters 7 - 2 Hangover 86 FC

Netkicks and Chill vs. All Bark No Bite

Netkicks and Chill is undefeated.  I believe they've already equaled their win total from last season.  They're firing on all cylinders and Daryl and Brendan - their dynamic duo - started scoring this week.  Watch out, MLS!  All Bark No Bite is still having trouble putting the ball in the net, but is bringing the A-game fun and sportsmanship out there. 

Final - Netkicks and Chill 7 - 0 All Bark No Bite

White Joggers vs. Defenders of the Bridge

White Joggers continue to run past teams with their second win in a row.  They've shown well in all three this season with Adam Stavola scoring another one this week.  Moriah Catron knocked in a left footer to help lead them to victory.  Matt Continue continued his hot streak as well by knocking in the only goal for DOTB

Final - White Joggers 4 - 1 Defenders of the Bridge

All Stars FC vs. Biercelona

Biercelona rebounded from their loss last week to PKs with a great showing against All Stars who had blown up in the first two weeks with 19 goals.  Carlos Murillo had to step in the goal for Biercelona and made some fantastic saves to cool off the All Stars.  

Final - All Stars FC 1 - 1 Biercelona

PKs and IPAs vs. Retired Athletes

Didn't hear much about this one, but did seem to be a high scoring affair.  PKs and IPAs has certainly figured out their offense, building on their 6 goals from last week.  Retired Athletes seems to have returned to full health as well and scored their most goals of the season led by Lyle Brown's brace.

PKs & IPAs 5 - 5 Retired Athletes

Netkicks leads the table with an unreal 1 goal given up over three games.  Week 3 will bring us a matchup of two undefeated teams with Ronaldo McDonaldo taking on All Stars FC.  Netkicks will face a tough matchup against Look Ma No Hands.  Will we reach the midseason with 1 or 2 undefeated teams?  

TEAM OF THE WEEK - WEEK 3

Lyle Brown - Knocking in a brace to move Retired Athletes up the table?  Yes please.

Alli Stauffer - A volley and a brace to fuel the Moat Monsters win over Hangover?  Yaaaaaaaas.

Scott George - see previous mention in the Look Ma game... ok.. nevermind. let's watch it again... GOAAAAAAAAAAAL

Moriah Catron - Left foot goal?  White Joggers keep winning?  Si.

Carlos Grimaldo - Take Hot and Messi down to Hat Trick City.  Where the grass is patchy and the players are mediocre.

Mickey Amaro- Played the whole game?  Check.  Shut dudes down left and right?  Check.  Team of the Week?  Chickity-check.

Wait... two keepers?  Yes.  Two keepers.  Because both held high-powered teams to one goal and both had a lot of shoutouts on the FB page.  It's my Team of the Week and I can do what I want to... do what I want to.

Carlos Murillo - Held a team with 19 goals over two games to 1 goal and came up with a tie?  Having a lot of field talent but stepping into the goal b/c you're a team player?  R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Brandon Silver - Shoutouts galore from Ronaldo and Misfits for the guy in the Grimace jersey.  Played a nearly flawless game to hold Misfits to only one goal.  Here's a photo of Brandon going through the Good Game line saying Endgame Endgame Endgame.

THE RACE FOR THE GOLDEN BOOT

Guess who's still at the top?

That's right.  Tom.

PHOTOS OF THE WEEK

Ryan O'Donnell's Selection

Brendan Fajotina of Netkicks and Chill takes a PK against All Bark No Bite.

To the right... to the right... to the right... Now jump.

Bicycle?  Scissor kick?  Rabona?  They got nothing on DOTB Matt Conti's dead cockroach kick.

WEEK 4 AT OOZLEFINCH

Frank's Monster Munchies will be out at Oozlefinch this Sunday.  

Be an All-Star like these players and go grab yourself some tacos and beer.

GAME OF THE WEEK - WEEK 4

Look Ma No Hands vs. Netkicks and Chill

Netkicks has started strong this season and Look Ma has continued to truck along with amazing consistency.  Last season, in a September 30th matchup -- Look Ma blanked Netkicks with a 6-0 victory, but this seems to be a new Netkicks.  This one will be interessssssssssssting.

See you Sunday and I hope you have a Happy Thorsday!


This blog fueled by: 

A Chick-Fil-A milkshake and the following tunes:

Los Campesinos - We are Beautiful, We Are Doomed
Cloud Nothings - Cloud Nothings
Jeff Rosenstock - We Cool?