AMAH(F)B: Vol. ?

By Nathaniel Johnson

At the risk of alienating the dedicated readers of AMAH(F)B, we have resolved to try something completely different in this week's edition.  This week we will focus our precious column space to the intensive breakdown of on-field kickball action in the Foul Ball world.  Strap yourselves in tight friends, we're about to get technical on your collective behinds.  

During our traditional Foul Balls Walk of Champions to the field of play this week, the team turned to licensed educator Mimi Gill to count and recount the available players in Gang Green.  After much more debate than was warranted, we settled on the fact that we indeed had four males and four females primed for battle against the Jagernauts.  We steeled ourselves for what would be an uphill fight with an undermanned roster and proudly displayed a lineup card featuring the new positions "left infield", "right infield" and the rather unfortunate designation of "entire outfield" for the author and Andreas Beyersdorf.  

Classic Nardi.

The Jagernauts took one glimpse at the new, lean and mean Gang Green and decided to aim for our Achilles heel: knowledge of the rules.  It would appear that after reading about last week's love fest in the Jagernauts camp, the love had run out as whispers of a forfeit due to lack of Foul Balls' players drifted across the field.  I knew we were in the zone when Foul Territory's legal council correctly cited KICKBALL: Official Rules of the Game, by WAKA, LLC, Rule Section 5: TEAMS, and more specifically Rule 7.04, which preserved our God-given right to play a kickball game against the most ridiculous of odds.  All of this proved to be a moot point as a pair of Foul Balls rolled into War Memorial just before first pitch.  

Mimi Gill delivers the ball to the plate.

The Foul Balls had been busy reading Facebook and GMOT over the past two weeks and collecting bulletin board material.  Andreas Beyersdorf, the normally mild-mannered spiritual leader of the Balls, was up and down the sidelines exhorting the Foulies to "get angry!"  While it is virtually impossible to be angry in Foul Territory, the team did manage to get...dare we say...decent?  I know many of you will scoff at a shutout being a positive offensive experience, but please refer back to our last two box scores which I staunchly refuse to type ever again.  Base hits were accumulated and runners advanced into scoring position in several innings.  "Three up, three down" was a phrase once again relegated to our performance at Luckie's.  On the defensive side of the ball, Daniel Pierce and William Johnson performed efficiently at catcher and charger, respectively.  Mimi Gill kept the Jagernaut kickers entertained and confused with her famed "Moon Bounce" pitch that has Tim Wakefield calling for tips.  An overall solid defensive effort was put forth by a united Foul Balls front holding the Nauts to 5 runs.  The most important result of our performance this week was the Balls ability to keep Vegas oddsmakers guessing.  If you had us covering the spread in this week's pick 'em, contact me at Luckie's and I'll buy you a pounder, because I'm pretty sure you've lost a lot of money in casinos over the past year.
 

Zach was found chillin' behind the Luckie's

bar wearing 5OC black!

I'm sure you have all heard the glorious news of Zach's return and the entertaining tale of his kidnapping and weeklong vacation at various Hampton Roads hot spots.  We're glad to have our teammate back, but he returned to us with an unfortunate decapitation injury.  Foul Territory's High Court has made an "eye for an eye" ruling in the landmark case of Foul Balls v. 5 O'Clockers, hence William will be decapitating a 5 O'Clocker at a yet to be determined time in the near future.  For a visual representation, please refer to the New Kickheads jersey.
 



Couple of the Week: Andreas Beyersdorf and the Rules.  He knows 'em.  If you challenge him, he might drop a NASA knowledge bomb or an Andrew Bynum elbow on you.  The guy can beat you with power or finesse.
 
What are we listening to this week? If I hear another Creed or DMB song after Wednesday night, my head might explode, so we're going to let The Only Band That Matters tell Zach G. how the Foul Balls felt in his absence.