Ghostman on Third: AMAH(F)B: UN-FB 5: Acronym Edition

by Nathaniel Johnson, Foul Balls

Foul Territory Proudly Presents:

Utterly Non-Fact Based Power Rankings: Week 1

(Author's Note: This poll is in no way intended to be taken seriously and it is not intended to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities. If you take issue with any ranking, please comment and make your case in an equally light-hearted and humorous manner. In addition, if you actually take issue with any ranking, I can recommend many excellent volunteer organizations that would love to make positive use of your excess time.)

Inspired by (and jealous of) the runaway success of the WAKA Peninsula Coach's Poll and the Bar Buzz Poll, Foul Territory has decided to fight fire with thinly veiled plagiarism in the form of our very own horribly biased, Utterly Non-Fact Based Power Rankings, hereafter referred to as the UN-FB 5 . (Utterly Non-Fact Based 5)

Dropped from the Rankings:

Jorts (4): I can't find mine. This is undoubtedly why we lost in Week 1. Prepare for a complete mojo shift in Week 2 as the pants choice of champions makes a return to War Memorial.

VD (1): A Week 1 defeat annnnnnd you had the audacity to take Marie Harper from my beloved team? Tsk tsk.

5. The Gossip Girl (2): Trici Frederick just couldn't get any respect Wednesday night. It would appear that the gilded plastic belt may have lost its appeal for the Peninsula league as Gossip Girl couldn't rally the troops for her outdoor midnight photo-shoot (although a certain beautiful bearded man made a prominent appearance). However, consistently cranking out a wonderful and detailed weekly report of all the Luckie's action keeps her barely hanging to the #5 position this week.

4. JFK (NR): The Kennedys scored a huge statement win over the defending champs in week one. Bryan Freed has clearly set his sights on the top of the UN-FB Power Rankings. However, winning the game of the week will earn you the top spot in the Coach's Poll, but will just barely break you into the UN-FB 5.

3. Jagernaut Videography (5): The Real Team of Genius brought a new level of creativity to Peninsula blogging. However, Foul Territory doesn't like competition, as it nearly always turns out poorly for us 95% of Wednesday evenings. In fact, burning envy is the only thing keeping the Jagers and Justin Littell out of the top spot. The #1 ranking in the UN-FB 5 is achieved primarily through a lack of effort, so the Jagers have a long lazy hill to slide down before rising to the top of the UN-FB mountain.

2. Coaches' Poll (3): Apparently there is a third fun and completely meaningless kickball related ranking system that members of this league really care about. If you win the most games against the best teams, you will rise to the top of this weekly vote. If you win the most games against the best times, you will most likely fall in the The Foul Balls plan to go the Boise State route and vote themselves #1 every week just to upset the status quo. Somewhere, Pat Forde is painting our Ball Bird on the side of his bus.

1. Hurricane Irene (NR): Nothing could possibly keep this swirling force of nature out of the top spot this week. Irene had everything. Paparazzi followed her every rain drop and wind gust. The pundits had Irene pegged as a game changer in the Fall 2011 season. Alas, Irene, like Ryan Leaf and the 2011 Foul Balls, was unable to live up to the pregame hype. Despite her many shortcomings, this bitch still takes Number 1 in our rankings because this is Hampton Roads and we don't have anything better to talk about. Was there an earthquake last week?

I promised you fine readers 50% more kickball in this year's run of AMAH(F)B and I intend to fulfill this brave prediction for one, maybe two weeks. I realize the readers may be growing tired of my overly optimistic recaps in the face of overwhelming final scores, but I will continue this trend in the Fall 2011 season because my words remain true. Gang Green put together an effort in Week 1 which was not adequately reflected in the box score. Over four innings, the Foulies surrendered only one run per inning, but we showed our inexperience in a sloppy third inning giving up six runs which could have been easily avoided. We put up another goose egg on the offensive side of the ball, but placed at least two runners on base in each inning. Once offensive strategy is integrated in the Foulies lineup, we hope to put up runs with a more dynamic offense that has added Off In The Corner transfer Linzie Mechling, Wade Brock and Dennis Gholson. The author would like to accept personal responsibility for two of the weaker at-bats of his career which squandered two Gang Green rallies. I managed to contribute most to the team by winning the impromptu wet t-shirt contest brought on by mid-game sprinklers, but my victory was due in part to the fact that I was the sole participant in the aforesaid contest. This week's recap was not a good way to begin my entirely self-propelled, ego driven, blog platform-abusing push for a spot on the Peninsula Honorable Mention Team. I'm nothing if not painfully honest to the point of self-detriment.

Here we are Peninsula league, another season has begun with record numbers and unbridled enthusiasm. Gang Green is beginning the Fall campaign from a slightly higher level than in the Spring and we hope to continue to progress and give every team in the league a good fight on the field. We're glad to be back and the Foul Balls promise to you is that even if we arrive at Luckie's for twelve weeks straight on the losing end of a kickball battle, we will arrive with an unmatched positive attitude and love for every team in this league, except whichever team happened to get lucky in beating us in that particular week.

I've been conflicted for the past week about which features to carry over from last year's blog. Until I know my new team better, we will be suspending the couple of the week award. We will still employ a song of the week, although it will not be our traditional love tune and will reflect the new Gang Green attitude by presenting a battle song.