Week 6 Gambling Lines

First, a congratulatory high five to all of the Hampton Roads kickball heroes, who were brave enough to travel to Florida, play a school yard game, sit on the beach in 85 degree weather and drink heavily for an extended weekend. Meanwhile, the 99% were here in Hampton Roads toiling away on dead grass and trying to party with geriatric ladies. Let’s fill you in on what may or may not have happened in Week 5 while I bitterly click through the flood of Facebook photos from the SFKO.

The ladies of Whiskey Kick thought this was a vacation weekend for everyone and denied us the game of the week against the Foul Balls. Several other Raptor athletes for various teams were AWOL for Week 5, so the three games featured some very creative defensive alignments that we will undoubtedly be unleashed in the near future to topple the 1%-ers. Kick Ass rolled to an 11-2 victory over the Chubby Gangsters. In the lonely two o’clock game Frosty Ballin’ and All Up in the Bunt battled to a 2-2 draw in a hard fought contest.

The fun continued to the bar where the Luckie’s staff had heard that all of the attractive kickballers were out of town for the weekend, so we were herded like cattle through the Nascar Grill only to be corralled on the patio. How do you know when you haven’t been partying hard enough? When a bar chooses to host a Red Hat Society line dancing social over your kickball league. You would think an organization named the RED Hat Society would support the struggle of the proletariat, but those biddies occupied the dance floor all afternoon.

Nine games are on the slate for Week 6 so we have lots of ground to cover, so let’s begin with the rematches we have on tap.

Foul Balls vs. Whiskey Kick

I guess this is technically not a rematch since no official game was played last week, but reports indicate that a scrimmage between the two teams resulted in a 2-1 decision in favor of Whiskey Kick. This still doesn’t tell us much because both teams appeared a little unsteady on their feet and not because of the howling Hampton winds. Let’s call this one a toss-up. Pick ‘em (but don’t pick a team that Wade Brock plays for)

Peninsula Pounders vs. JFK

The Pounders had a successful weekend in Florida, so they hope to ride the sunshine and warm feelings into a second half surge back home. The Week 1 game of the week between these two teams lost some of its luster as the Dead Kennedys’ offense blitzed the Pounders early and held on for an 8-4 victory. This game should be closer, but it’s going to be hard to pick against the team currently atop the standings. JFK (-1.5)

Kick Ass vs. Frosty Ballin’

Danger may have made another Labrador friend on the Frosties’ sideline, but the rest of the Kick Ass squad are aiming to avenge their only defeat of the season at the hands of Frosty Ballin’, 6-3. While the Ass Kickers have been surging, the Frosty Balls powerful offense has clenched up lately. Still, the Frosties have a powerful 1-2 punch at pitcher and they put away Kick Ass in their previous meeting. Much like the previous game, this one should be closer this time around, but the slight edge remains with the Frosties. Frothy Bawlin’ (-0.5)

JFK vs. All Up in the Bunt

This will be the second game in a row against the Bunt for JFK after they pulled away late for a 7-1 win in Week 4. JFK was short a few players for this game and the Bunt kept it knotted at 1 going into the fifth inning. Also, All Up in the Bunt got all up on some Frosty Balls in Week 5 with a surprising 2-2 tie. If the boys (and girls) in black can make a few minor adjustments, this game could stay close as well. Once again, still difficult not to go with the Fightin’ Freeds. JFK (-4.5)

Frosty Ballin’ vs. Foul Balls

In the middle of their triple header Frosty will be taking on the Foul Balls. Foul Balls often struggle to slow down an offense like the Frosty Balls, but they may be starting the mid-season party early and if we know anything it’s never to take a tipsy Foul Balls team lightly. If the Foul Balls leadership can keep Wade Brock from getting drunk on two mimosas, then they might have a chance to keep this close. Wade will be as faint as the Foul Balls chances in this one. Ballin’ Ballin’ Ballin’ (-6.5)

Foot Snipers vs. Chubby Gangsters

I love this Chubby Gangsters team. I don’t love their chances against the Foot Snipers. Shot Through the Heart (-7.5)

All Up in the Bunt vs. Whiskey Kick

Both teams will be coming off of emotional rematches in their first game of the day. A big problem with Whiskey Kick is their ability to get All Up in the Bunt. It will be like playing pool with a piece of rope for WK. Big Buntin’ (-4.5)

Foot Snipers vs. All Up in the Bunt

All Up in the Bunt will be wrapping up the dreaded triple-header against the stoutest defense in the league (0.80 runs against per game for the Snipers). The Bunt has the second lowest scoring offense in the league at 2 runs per game. I just used statistics to support an assertion….grad school is really getting to me, or I just can’t think of anything funny to say about nine different kickball games. A Well Placed Bullet (-6.5)

Peninsula Pounders vs. Frosty Ballin’

This game kicks off a crucial day for both of these teams as the playoff picture begins to clear up. The Pounders will have their eye on leap frogging the Frosty Balls for fourth place. I’m easily impressed and any team that does any more cardiovascular activity than walking from their car to the field before one o’clock seems like they should win kickball games. At this point in the evening I’m pretty convinced that there is a guy who is on both of these teams. I clicked on the WAKA page to try to sort it out and then immediately gave up. To the bald guy who is really good at kickball: when you make up your mind about which team you want to be on, then I’ll pick a favorite. Until then…pick ‘em.

Over/Under on WAKA players kicked out of the mid-season party: 1.5*

*If Mimi Gill is attending, this line immediately drops to 0.5