Kickball Fortune Cookies

Kickball In the Time of the Peninsula;  or 
Who Will Kick Our Balls When We’re Gone?; or 
How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Co-Worker’s Questions and Love Kickball

I couldn't sleep and I have 25 fortune cookies on my fridge so here are some words of wisdom for your kickball future:

1) Your winsome smile will be your sure protection. That is, if you're a cute girl and you smile at the home plate ref, he will definitely make the strike zone a little smaller. I know what you're thinking, but when was the last time you saw a female home plate ref?

2) Drink to your health the fact that The Situation isn't playing in the spring. Oh wait, Plan B is basically Sitch - damnit.

3) Let hatred turn into friendship because of your existence kickball.

4) He who hurries and kicks the first pitch cannot draw a walk with dignity.

5) The only good is knowledge Foul Balls and the only evil ignorance PBJT.

6) Never argue with a fool Andreas Beyersdorf when he's reffing home. He's kind of an a-hole when he does.

7) Someone is speaking well of you but only because they're about to say something really mean about you.

8) You will always be surrounded by true friends unless you play on DCOMB, they're all a-holes.

9) A new venture commissioner will be a have great success. Good luck, Brian Neal. But you better not give us too many 8:30 games or I will hate you.

10) The best profit of future is the past. What the fuck does this mean?


11) A cheerful letter or message hateful facebook message is on its way to you regarding your reffing ability. Best third base ref ever!

12) You will not attract cultured and artistic people to your home if you invite kickball people over.

13) You should be able to make money and hold on to it instead of playing in 4 kickball leagues. Since when are fortune cookies so judgy. The lucky numbers on the back are really Gene's work number.

14) Keep your plans secret for now. Listen to this, Brent Obershaw. Everyone knows what Williamsburg means!

15) The strength of a nation defense derives from the integrity of the home base defender.

16) If you don't think about the future, you can't have one. And if your thoughts about the future are 90% about kickball you may want to find something else.

17) Sing and rejoice, fortune is smiling on you spring kickball is almost here.

18) A smile is nearly always inspired by another smile. Never smile! Smiling shows weakness.

19) You are going to have some new clothes unless your team decided to be boring and keep their old colors. And light blue will never be known as DCOMB blue, it's chubby gangster blue, always!

20) The eyes believe themselves; the ears believe other people. Something about reffing at first base and the first base coach yelling in your ear. I'll be honest, this is getting kind of tedious. Jeez, I should just say there are 20 and go to bed...

21) Working hard Kickball will make you live a happy life. Ok, not really but probably more than just working hard. This fortune cookie seems like it could also be a banner hanging in a sweat shop.

22) Good sense Brad Gault is the master of human life kickball sportsmanship.

23) You are tasting the sweets of success. And if you are like The Situation you will almost smile as you lift up the trophy.

24) Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation. This seems like something Trump would say, so I'm gonna pass.

25) You will shortly profit in some way with a sporting association. Good luck in the Spring!

#KITTOTPOWWKOBWWGOHILTSWACQALK