Top 5 Reasons to Play Winter Kickball

So you're on the fence as to whether you're gonna sign up for CLUBWAKA VA Raptor Winter season. Well I managed to come up with 5 somewhat compelling reasons why you should definitely take the plunge and sign up for 8 weeks of winter kickball. It may be the coldest of all the clubwaka kickball seasons, but it also comes with its advantages. Here you have the top 5 reasons why you should play Clubwaka winter kickball.

5. The Weather Is Not That Bad

One misconception about the Winter season is that every week is miserable with below freezing temperatures, snow, ice and any other horrors you can think of. I mean who the hell wants to be outside playing a children's game in below 40 degree temperatures when so much mediocre Netflix original programming exists that must be watched?

Riveting television

The fact is that most weeks end up being fairly decent with the cold being a minor inconvenience. You warm up pretty fast, and by the 2nd inning you'll notice more and more players begin to remove layers of clothing (inevitably leading to game delays as everyone begins to be distracted by Jason Williamson's hard nipples). If someone like Ed Aaron who is 84 years old is signed up for the winter season, surely you can deal with below average temperatures for 8 weeks. And worst case scenario you end up playing in snow. Think of all the advantages! Don't like a call by a ref? Kick snow at them! Even better come up with a personal, over the line attack against your ref and pee it in the snow. And nothing like beating out a bad bunt because you were throwing snowballs at the charger while on your way to 1st. Josh Dell Carr will never get out.

And complete leeway to encroach cause who the hell can tell?

4. No Rain Outs

Despite having Joshua Dell Carr at the helm, the 2017 Winter Clubwaka season proved to be fortuitous with an astonishing zero rainouts! In fact it appears it doesn't matter who's running the league, there has yet to be a single weather cancelation in any Clubwaka Raptor season! Winter kickball season may have a few downsides that cause players to be hesitant to join (Cold weather, no bathrooms, championship games not being concluded with the lights going out at the end producing co-champions and making twice as many people happy). But at the end of the day if you sign up for Winter kickball, one thing is certain. You will be playing every single Saturday without a doubt.

And playing in jeans is socially acceptable

Rainouts suck and yet winter season just seems to be immune to them for whatever reason. Maybe it's just luck, maybe it's Nick Schmidt and Naughty's weekly dance to Lucifer for no rain (How was I cut from that team?? I would of fit in perfectly). Whatever the reason ultimately winter is the one season that is guaranteed to not have a rainout.

And I mean thank god, cause who wants to fuck up that hair?

3. No C***y Teams Will Be Playing

As of publication, there are currently zero cunty teams registered to play in the 2018 Clubwaka VA Raptor season. The c***iest team of all (Plan B) is not planning to play, while teams with lesser but still strong c**** vibes are also unlikely to play (Pop Pop, Savages, Cardiac Arrest, Breaking Brad). It goes without saying that c**** teams have ruined Clubwaka (With most blame going to Curtis/Jamie LaFaub for getting married and inviting friends to join). But while there are a few proven c**** players playing this winter, they seem to be spread out.

So much c***iness

I'm sure just like myself you look at that picture and have a strong urge of punching someone in the face. And even though it's a well-known fact that being good at kickball = you're an asshole, nothing feels better than beating someone cunty at a children's game. So sign up and get ready to work over non-cunty teams and build up your self-esteem. If you do poorly you can always complain on the Clubwaka FB page and block anyone who disagrees with your thoughts.

Random picture inserted

2. What Else Are You Gonna Do?

So honestly what other plans do you have on a winter Saturday afternoon? All of your friends are either already in the league or are going to watch. Everyone is going to the bar after. I mean as much as you may claim that you have other friends outside of kickball...come on. And yeah there may be the occasional decent event occurring on a Saturday in January/February, but is it enough to take you away from a fun league with all your friends?

Unless it's this. This should overrule any event

Ultimately you know that kickball with your friends on Saturday is the best option you'll have for the day. Winter Saturday mornings are dull and boring. Spice them up with some kickball and great times with some great friends.

This picture alone = 5 new registrations

1. Joshua Dell Carr's Final Season

It goes without saying that Josh Dell Carr's reign as commissioner of Freedom/Raptor leagues has been pretty terrible with lots of controversy. Multiple game cancellations due to his inability to control weather, game delays due to marriage proposals on the field, and he recently allowed someone to make a mockery of the Freedom league by playing in a dragon costume. Also he willingly roots for Notre Dame, and his now thankfully shaved creepy mustache suggests he spent much of his time as commissioner moonlighting as a porn star.

Our fearless leader in deep thought

Now that he is on his way out and there are no repercussions, who knows what kind of crazy shenanigans Josh has planned for the winter season? I for one want to be there each week to see him go out in a blaze of glory. Experience the mayhem of his final season, while also having the opportunity to yell and belittle him every Saturday. Josh especially enjoys hearing criticism of his reffing in a loud, confrontational delivery (Bonus points for anything derogatory/personal).

At the end of the day though, it's all fun and games. To show that Josh Dell Carr has promised to purchase 2 pitchers for each winning team and 1 pitcher for each losing team at the bar. So you can spend your day berating Josh and follow it up with free alcohol which will inevitably lead to more berating (The free pitcher offer is completely speculative of the author and has not been confirmed either by Joshua Dell Carr or any other Clubwaka employee).

All in all JDC is a pretty cool guy