WEEK 1 RECAP
CLUBWAKA Mediocre League Soccer finally kicked off on Sunday at Fort Monroe. All 10 teams took the field and despite some doom and gloom from Jeff Lawson and Don Slater, it ended up being a gorgeous day.
A couple of quick housekeeping things from this past week I want to touch on before we get into the meat of this week's update.
- SHINGUARDS MANDATORY! After speaking to the head of referees this past week, we have decided to change one of the rules. SHINGUARDS WILL BE MANDATORY GOING FORWARD. He felt this was a player safety issue and this should be enforced. Please communicate to your teams that starting Week 2, you will need to wear shinguards or the referee will have you leave the field.
- Thanks for adulting! Thank you for cleaning up after yourselves. Despite having no trashcans at the field, there was very little trash left. I cannot thank you all enough. It may be a good idea to assign someone to bring a trashbag each week and take your trash (especially any alcohol) with you.
- Scores and Scorers: While the refs are keeping track of scores and scorers, it's a tough gig trying to get people's names right, so please have someone (or multiple someones) on your team keep track of goals and scorers and submit post-game in a score thread on the Facebook page or Captain's page.
- Commishless on Sunday. As of now, I won't be in attendance on Sunday but THE MAN HIMSELF, Brent Wentworth, will be out there so be sure to talk him up and grab the man a beer.
TROPHY ALERT: SIGN-UP SIMON
The first award of the young season was given out on Sunday. Scott Tinsley, captain of UTTOTPHJ and recruiter for OTPHJ, received this prestigious award by signing up two full teams in one weekend. This was a feat no one in CLUBWAKA has ever seen before. This is the equivalent of the Wilt Chamberlain 100 point game. And a legendary man deserves a legendary trophy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAYS!
Happy Birthday to Buck Waldrop of UTTOTPHJ who returned to the field after a 7 year absence to celebrate his 30th birthday. Made a ton of crucial saves too! And a very happy birthday to the captain of Look Ma, No Hands, Jamie Gallagher who decided to forego orange slices and pre-game with some OJ instead. 
TEAM OF THE WEEK
CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR FIRST TEAM OF THE WEEK!!!
Michael Machie -- the only thing that beats 4 goals is 5 staples in the head at MedExpress.
Ethan Bowen -- 2 goals and the award for most shots not on frame
Chas Shaw - a clever goal that made you wonder 'how in the heel did he do that?'
Leonard Bernard - nominated by two different people for a great attitude, a great goal, and a great assist.
Deanna Andrews - a great goal from the right wing against Ronaldo McDonaldo. Again nominated by two different people.
Mickey Amaro - 'A force to be reckoned with in the back who took on giants and came out on top' -- poetic words from her captain.
Markis Augustus - Hadn't ever played keeper before and was overheard saying 'It's a lot harder than FIFA makes it look'. Made a ton of saves against OTPHJ and he certainly demonstrated his ups.
THE RACE FOR THE GOLDEN BOOT
As I indicated pre-season, there will be a number of awards given out this season and one will be the Golden Boot for the player with the most goals. Here are the results after Week 1.
PHOTO OF THE WEEK
Jay Coble from Oozlefinch making the save on Calli Sherrill of Look Ma, No Hands. Jay is an early favorite for the Hands of God Award for Best Goalkeeper.
CONTROVERSY ENSUES!
Field 2 was embroiled in controversy as the captain of UTTOTPHJ accused Commissioner Brad Kirby of doctoring the substitution box. The smaller substitution box was a factor in at least 5 of 6 Ronaldo McDonaldo goals and continued to affect the endurance of players throughout the day due to the extra step that had to make to get through the cones. When pressed for an interview, Brad Kirby had no comment.
WEEK 2 PREVIEW
With a nicer day on the horizon, we're hoping for a stronger league turnout at Oozlefinch where the beer will be flowing like wine and where beautiful MLS players flock like the salmon of Capistrano.
Food will be provided by Smoked Biscuit food truck. Looks pretty damn good. See website here.
Game of the Week
UTTOTPHJ vs. Look Ma, No Hands -- can UTTOTPHJ rebound from the hard fought loss against Ronaldo? Will Jamie Gallagher get her birthday wish of an undefeated season for Look Ma, No Hands? Tune in on Sunday to find out!
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